The Heart of Life
By: John Mayer
I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is goodI know it's good
This song describes the way that I feel right now. My grandpa died on Monday, and so I’m not in the best mood. Listening to this song shows me that I need to remember that my grandpa is now in Heaven, and that he is better there than he was when he was still here:
A year or so ago my grandpa was diagnosed with carcinoid cancer. He, for the most point, was leading a normal life except for the doctor visits and the $2,000-3,000 shots he had to get multiple times a month. By Thanksgiving he had gotten so bad that he was in the IC unit at a hospital, and we were told that he wasn’t going to live much longer. But I knew that as long as he had his sense of humor, he would be fine. He has always been a jokester and a screwball.
By Christmas he was finally able to go home. He seemed to be getting better; and he was joking more than when he was in the hospital. Just in the past month he got so bad. He got to the point where he weighed less than me. He also could no longer sleep in his bed so he had to stay in the living room with a hospital bed. When he was still able to stand up (with assistance by my grandma and my aunt) he looked at himself in the mirror and said, “I look like I am in a concentration camp.” He had gotten so skinny. I think that you should know that he was a farmer and that there had not been a day in his life (that I can remember) to where he has not been outside. I’m sure that being stuck inside broke his heart, the only good thing about being in the living room is that he could still watch the birds come and eat from the bird feeders
In these last few days when he attempted to stand up he would just fall back down on his back, his eyes would roll into the back of his head, and he would shake uncontrollably for a couple minutes. My grandma would always start crying because she thought that she had lost her husband. My grandpa got to the point where he had to go to the bathroom on himself in his diaper type thing, because his body could no longer physically get himself up out of the hospital bed. Just the thought of this made me cry because my grandpa’s brain was working fine, and yet he had to go to the bathroom on himself like an infant does.
There are so many more details that I wish to share with you, but I am simply crying too much as I am writing this post. My grandpa never lost his sense of humor, but he let go because my aunt told him that he could go and that we would be fine. And we all didn’t want to let him go, but we all knew that he would be so much better off in Heaven than trapped in this body.The worst part of this entire experience is that my grandpa didn’t deserve to be stuck inside, and have to suffer like this. He always the kindest person in the world. He was so giving and gentle. I never saw him yell. He was always outside on the farm and it broke my heart to see him stuck to where he could not go and enjoy the outdoors, like he had done for his entire life. I love him so much and never wanted him to leave, but I know that now he is always taking care of me and that everything will be fine.
4 comments:
WoW!!! That was really sad, I am so sorry. It seems that i have heard about more grandparents dying this year than I ever have any other years. I kind of understand what you are going through right now. My great-grandma, who is 80 or almost 80 or older has been sick for a long time. She used to live in Kansas, but is now in a nursing home in Misouri, i don't remember where it is, but i now that it is closer than Kansas. Well when she was first sick, I couldn't really see much change, but these last couple of years I have really begun to see a difference in her. Before she was still able to walk pretty good, keep up a conversation, and somewhat entertain us when we came to visit her. Now, though, it is so sad. She can not walk at all. When we would have to leave, she used to always walk us out and look out the door until we were no longer in sight, but now she is can't even move with her walker, so she forced to lay on the couch and is not able to watch us leave. Also, she can hardly breathe, because well, for one she is not supposed to be smoking, but she still does because she has always smoked and doesn't want to give that up. She has difficutly finishing sentences without having to pause for long periods of time to catch her breath. I almost feel helpless when I visit her, because I have no idea what to do, because I don't really know what to talk about. I regret not being able to know more, because she seems like an awesome woman. I know that she is very hard-headed and says what she wants to but I wish I would have been able to get to know her and learn her points of views on things. The last time I saw her I almost cried, and I am not an emotional person in that way, but she looked so little and weak, and what hurt me the most was she was crying and it was so sad because like i said before, she is a hard-headed woman. I am so sorry for your loss, but from the way that you talked about your grandpa, it sounds like you have some great memories to remember him of.
that is sad story and i can relate to what you are feeling right now as well. About a year ago or a little less my grandma died of ovarian cancer and i know how hard it is to watch them suffer. She also got really skinny and couldnt get out of her bed. She had to have a nurse come and take care of her at the end of her days and as it broke all our hearts to let her go because she was the center of our family, the person who always seemed to keep it together and the nicest lady anyone could know we knew that we couldnt let her suffer anymore. She layed in her bed for about 2 weeks being misserable until one morning when the nurse came in the check on her and all of us came to see her. the nurse's final words to her were "now you have fun on the trip that we were talking about" of course she meant going to heaven. My grandma just cried and one by one my whole family said good bye to her that morning. She died at 4:00 pm the same day. I will always miss her and im sry for your loss. i know how you feel.
Aww
i'm sorry,
that must be terrible.
but i guess heaven is way better then down here on earth.
I totally know how you feel when you find a song that you can relate to. It's like someone miles and miles away is feeling the same way you do. i think it's an amazing feeling, good or bad.
Lots of John Mayer's new songs can be related to losing someone you love. These songs have been helping me get through his death.
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